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Mike King’s 15 Things You Should Never Say To Someone With Depression - And 15 Better Ways To Say It

Sophie Waldron
19 Jun 2019

Mike King, one our most in demand mental health speakers presents:

15 Things You Should Never Say To Someone With Depression - And 15 Better Ways To Say It.

1. "HARDEN UP AND STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF."

There’s a big difference between feeling sorry for yourself, and struggling with depression, and telling someone to harden up only makes them feel worse.

What you could say instead: “I can see that you are struggling, and I’m concerned about you. Can I do anything to help?”


2. "COME OUT WITH ME AND THE BOYS. WE’LL HAVE SOME FUN, HAVE A DRINK, AND FORGET ABOUT IT."

A night out on the town watching other people have fun is no cure for depression. Depression isn’t just a bad day – it’s a hundred bad days, all at once, with seemingly no way out.

What you could say instead: “Maybe we can grab a coffee and catch up? I’m here if you need someone to listen.”


3. "WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO BE DEPRESSED ABOUT?"

Depression isn’t always caused by a traumatic or sad event. Sometimes, it just happens. That doesn’t make it any less serious.

What you could say instead: “I didn’t realise you were struggling. I’m here now if you need to talk.”


4. "YOU NEED TO GO TO THE GYM AND GET SOME EXERCISE."

Although exercise can help combat bad days, when someone is struggling with depression it may be too difficult to even get out of bed some days.

What you could say instead: “I need a walking buddy! Will you walk with me?”

5. "OTHER PEOPLE HAVE IT MUCH WORSE THAN YOU DO."

Someone else having problems does not make your problems disappear.

What you could say instead: “I’m sorry that you’re hurting. How can I help you?”


6. "YOU JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT."

Someone who struggles with depression IS dealing with it… every single day… as best they can. Saying this undermines them and could make them feel as if they aren’t good enough.

What you could say instead: “You don’t have to deal with this alone. I am here for you.”


7. "LIFE ISN’T FAIR."

This is, once again, downplaying this person’s feelings. No, life may not be fair, but that won’t make them feel any better about their situation.

What you could say instead: “I’m sorry this is happening to you, but we can and WILL get you through this."


8. "BRO, YOU’RE BRINGING EVERYONE DOWN."

Depression is not a choice. A person struggling with depression may feel helpless. They are struggling to help themselves; the last thing they need is the extra worry and pain of trying to help you.

What you could say instead: “I hate seeing you so down. What can I do to help?”


9. "I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, I WAS DEPRESSED ONCE."

It might go without saying, but no one person’s feelings are exactly the same. This could make them feel as if you’re downplaying their feelings and struggle. Not everyone deals with things the same way, and that holds true for depression. And let us all remember: depression is much more than a bad mood or bad day.

What you could say instead: “I can only imagine what you must be going through, but I will try to understand the best I can.”


10. "YOU’LL FEEL BETTER TOMORROW."

This isn’t fair, and it puts a lot of pressure on a person who is already struggling every single day to find the light again. Depression isn’t something that goes away overnight.

What you could say instead: “Take it one day at a time, and I’ll be here with you through them all.”


11. "LIFE GOES ON."

Yeah, life does go on, but for someone dealing with depression, it can feel as if they are stuck with no way out. They probably have trouble imagining getting through a day, let alone the entire week.

What you could say instead: “You have so much to live for, and I will be with you to help you rediscover those things.”


12. "YOU’RE BEING SELFISH."

Chances are, a person struggling with depression is probably already being incredibly hard on themselves. They don’t need you to cut them down, as well. And remember, depression is not a choice. They are not choosing to do this.

What you could say instead: “I really miss you. What can I do to help?"


13. "YOU JUST NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!"

Again, for someone struggling with depression, leaving the house could seem next to impossible. And even if they do, leaving the house isn’t a fix for depression.

What you could say instead: “I don’t like the thought of you dealing with this alone. Maybe I can come over or we can go somewhere together.”


14. "EVERYONE ELSE IS DEALING WITH LIFE, SO WHY CAN’T YOU?"

Depression is not a choice. It happens. And when it happens, it will affect anyone and everyone differently.

What you could say instead: “You seem to be having a difficult time and I just want you to know that I’m here for you.”


15. "YOU’RE STRONG, YOU’LL BE FINE."

Depression will make anyone feel weak and helpless.

What you could say instead: “I believe in you, and I know you can get through this. I will be here every step of the way.”

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